false.
The summer nights pass by incredibly slow, I honestly don't know how much more I can take of this anticipation.
I guess anxious is the best word I can use to describe how I'm feeling. Almost to the point where I'm eagerly counting down until summer is over.
Weird huh?
A year ago, I can easily remember savoring every single day for three-four months...
Now I'm waiting for it to end.
It's funny how things change. In the course of a year, I have changed, my friends have changed, and my surroundings have all changed.
I used to be organized, I used to be clean and motivated. I used to make my bed every morning, fold my clothes, take 30 minute showers and do my hair every morning, change my outfit five times and keep a planner. I used to sleep at 1 and wake up at 10 in the morning, go to work, work out, take a shower and hang out with friends every night. I used to care. Care about what others thought, care about how I appeared, care about what impression I was giving, what difference I made.
Now that I think about it, this is tragic.
What do I do now? I wait until the last minute to do things. I sleep at 5, and wake up at 2... on a daily basis. And with every aspect of life, I repeat the following, "whatever happens, happens." A lazy outlook, but a lazy lifestyle to match. I care less about what people think of me, which has lead to a decrease of time in the shower, as well as the incredible ability to wake up, go to class without showering, and falling back asleep, with my contacts still in my eye. I don't care.
So what happened? I don't even know what was the catalyst of all this. Honestly, I have no idea.
well, then again, maybe I do. For some odd reason, success happens for me when I plan less, be spontaneous, live without regard, and hope for the best. I guess that's all you can do really, hope for the best. Because no matter what happens, no matter how many days in advance you study, or how many calendars you keep around the house, there is a set path laid for us. And in the end, whatever happened was meant to happen. I know it seems ridiculous. I won't lie, it IS ridiculous. I will admit that.
But how else can I explain my better grades on my procrastinated assignments? My life was in the hands of an entrance exam, given 6 weeks in advance. I completed the project in two nights. Skipping class, in order to finish a portfolio which would determine my life's track... I will honestly say the work I put in was not my most impressive, just enough to get by. Yet, by some miracle, two nights of work was enough to get into my program. Why is that?
Sometimes you'll plan things, expectations arise from planning, and if at all life deviates, we have no idea what to do, how to handle the situation because it wasn't planned. My friends, this is what happens.. life intervenes with its own agenda. The best we can do? Honestly, In my humble opinion, go with it. Expect nothing, but hope for the strength, the endurance to handle all that comes towards us, and in the end there were to expectations that weren't met, there is no disappointment, there is only awe in the way that life is handed to us.
I can say that I do know one thing we can control.
Now.
Right now.
We can't change what already occurred, and we can't forsee what's in store, but what exists right now is you. Sitting in front of a screen reading my ridiculous ramblings, you can choose.
You may feel aggravated at such an obscene philosophy, or you may feel connected with something so similar to your perspective. You can guarantee only one thing to exist, and that is you. Control what you know and there will be no room for disappointment.
Play it by ear my friends, be spontaneous, and in the end,
you've lived without regret.
No comments:
Post a Comment