Cellphones, stupid little time-sucking devices that have taken over our lives and conversations.
At least that's what I thought it should be.
So of course, I was surprised when my cell-phone stopped dead in its tracks, and all of its contents, messages, pictures and notes vanished. Then came the tears.
And I thought to myself, why am I crying about a stupid little device?
In our generation, we text, not talk. We email, not write letters. We post Happy Birthday on your wall, instead of sending a card. You can have a relationship without seeing someone, simply with your iphone, your blackberry, your droid, your palm... oh wait.
It's dead.
As I leered at the phone through teary eyes, I thought about how much that little bugger carried with it.
So many fights had started and ended with the phone. That phone went with me to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, to my family's first wedding, to my friend's graduation party. Roughly 2 years of use, that tiny phone had been through so much with me.
There were pictures of Hogsmeade, pictures of my white french bulldog, pictures and pictures of my various baking experiments. There are various recipes, tweaked after multiple batches of Coq Au Vin, Crown Roast and Braised Short Ribs.
I guess what upset me most, was the loss of all my text messages.
In times when I felt worthless or inadequate, I would read a text from Christian.
"You deserve the best, and that's what I intend to give."
or another text from Christian, "I hope one day you can see yourself the way I see you."
or one from my father:
"Who would think that I will be living in US, with a beautiful wife, beautiful children, beautiful home and driving nice cars. but most important, that my daughter will be graduating from OSU and another will be entering."
Read that, and tell me you feel inadequate, unimportant, small.
That's what this is about, the tears, the puffy eyes and the melodrama. It's about one text message.
I cannot count how many times I read and re-read that text message. And honestly, I'm amazed by how one message, 160 characters could hold so much power, so much significance. As I re-type that text, I cannot help but cry and smile at the same time.
There are times, too many to count, where we exert all our effort and despite our strenuous and tiresome diligence, we still fall short. I guess that's the mark of a human. We pray and pray and pray, and pray some more, just so that we might find the strength to go on and give one more push, and it still isn't enough. I can tell you by experience how many times I fail to understand and appreciate my limitations. At times, I have succeeded and come out exhausted but accomplished. And at other times, I have merely emerged, windswept and depleted.
Even Jesus needed someone to help carry his cross, even for a little bit.
That's when a friend calls to ask "Is everything okay? Can I help you." or when a text message reminds you of how much you are worth, and how in the face of defeat, you still are one heck of a person.
It's hard to rely on others, and it's hard to share the load and trust someone else. I'm not saying it's easy, but having friends like Carly or Kathy, having a sister love and embrace your inner nerd, having a boyfriend constantly tell you how much you are worth, or having a father telling you how proud he is, is just enough to get you past the finish line.
It's not the phone I miss, or the SIM card or that stupid little slot I had to wrestle with to charge my phone. No, it's the messages I miss, messages that I re-read when I do not feel good enough.
